I told myself I would pull weeds in my front yard today. That was before the workout – titled “Discomfort” – I did at 6am. Now I’m sitting here, thinking that despite having my coach make sure I was doing the one handed “Suitcase Deadlifts” correctly, my lower back is screaming at me. I am doing som]]>here it is, and the following will make a bit more sense if you read that first.) So far, I’ve spoken with some local people who had very encouraging information and advice for me. I have the name of a person within an organization who can hold my hand through the process of developing a business plan and the steps to take to secure a small business loan, assurance that there are only two therapist/counselors that see children in the valley, and even they don’t specialize in that age group and aren’t set up for kids specifically (Imagine only a few toys in an adults’ counseling office…if you were 6 and uncomfortable and in an office with a stranger, wouldn’t you rather have a playroom and art supplies and no chairs but pillows and rolled up futons on the floor to sit on? Yeah, me too). I would have the market in this demographic, and I work differently enough from the therapists already seeing kids that I would get referrals without a problem. I like reassurance. It feels good, and hopeful and promising. This morning, while I procrastinated weeding the yard, I looked up the info again about taking the state exam to become a certified counselor in Washington. It’s been over a year since my first attempt at this exam and my application closed, so I need to re-apply and pay the fees again. Good news is that I don’t have to send in documentation again (i.e., they still have my transcripts. YAY!). This time, I’m getting organized on studying for it and put links to all the online study materials into a bookmark folder. There is no way I’m going to fail this a second time. I need to renew my business license and dig up my federal tax ID number, and meet with my CPA to find out if I need to do anything else before I get started…but I think I can put out my shingle within a few months. I think. Obviously, some days will be spent getting my rec-room set up as best I can as a play therapy space. It won’t be my dream space yet, and my yard will not be lovely and welcoming for a while, but I can start with what I’ve got and what I need to start is tax info, business license, and certification. It feels really good to get organized in my head. Steps to take. One at a time. I know I can do this. I have support from my own therapist to keep me on track. He knows me, knows my patterns and my fears and my history, and will keep me on track. I can rely on him, and others of you that know me, to believe in me when my belief in myself falters – and I expect it will on occasion throughout this process. When I get my critical voices, my left brain, telling me all the reasons why this won’t work I go back to: Don’t quit. You got this. You KNOW kids, bottom line. You KNOW how to be with kids. Trust that. Trust that your heart and intuition will take over when your brain and all your skills and knowledge feel less than enough. You KNOW kids. So. Weeding. Clearing out. Clear out the Thoughts, Negative and Mistaken Beliefs, Jumbled Ideas about Direction and Next Steps. Clear it out so I can SEE it. The VISION. And I have a vision, and it fills my heart, opens me up, and the strength of that supports me. Step by Step. I got this.