As the 2013 begins I’ve been thinking about this past year, and what I want in my future. I haven’t made resolutions for several years, but when my coach suggested in her recent blog post that I set goals, I decided to really think about that. What resulted wasn’t a list of specific achievements, or a big change from last year. It is a continuation of what has already started for me.
I want to continue to feel solid and confident in who I am, what I can offer others and what I can give myself. And I want to push my comfort zone, find the magic that exists outside what I know, that I have to reach for.
Therefore, my goals are to reach for the magic in specific areas of my life: Theater, my Professional Career, and Health and Fitness.
In a few weeks will be performing a small but very fun (and low stress!) role. I’m excited about this experience – the smallest part I’ve had in the last year and learning how fun I can make it. However, the area for moving outside my comfort zone is as soon as tomorrow when I will audition for the spring musical. I have no idea if I will get a role – there’s a lot of talent in this valley and there are not many roles for my age in this upcoming production – but I have learned to recognize my fear-brain when I make up reasons why I shouldn’t audition, “I won’t get it anyway.” and “It’s too big of a time commitment.” and “I’ll be laughed at for even thinking I might be good enough to land a singing part.” And none of those reasons are good enough anymore to convince me not to audition. This – just the trying out – is what’s pushing my comfort zone. Last time I tried out for a musical I was 17 years old, and I got a call back for a lead in our high school spring musical and I didn’t go, telling myself I’d have more fun in the ensemble. I always regretted it. I know the truth was I was scared. Not scared that I wouldn’t get the part. But scared that I would be casted, and then not be able to live up to my director’s expectations and I’d make a fool of myself in front of an audience. I still have that fear. And I’m going for it anyway. How else can I find the magic that lies beyond?
Now that I’m seeing clients regularly, I have found my feet again as a therapist. I’m doing and learning more than I ever have, and remembering so much of what I know. Having the confidence to know what I know is very satisfying and encouraging. My heart is so full as I think back to this summer when I claimed my calling again, and within days I was offered my dream job. But there is more for me. Soon I will be renting a space for a play therapy office. I will be opening up a private practice part time, and will finally have the space I need to do what I am called to do, and will be able to continue my learning in the area of child and family therapy. I intend to also invest on continuing my education and qualifications to deepen my ability to help others in their healing. Starting a private practice is risky, and scary. I have to put myself out in the community and know I can do it. I feel fear, yet I know there is magic in this for me.
Nutrition and Fitness
It’s been a lifelong passion. Swimming competitively, volunteering in the weight room at the Y for several years, casual soccer and intense yoga have surrounded my love of natural healing and nutrition all of my adult life. I’ve been a natural health and nutrition buff for 25 years, exploring vegetarian, vegan, high protein-no/low carb, blood type diets and most recently the paleo lifestyle. I have found varying degrees of success in improving my health with each of them, and even though the recent adoption of paleo has been wonderful, I’ve continued to have struggles with results. Because of the struggles, and my perfectionist mentality, I get very critical of myself when I’ve slipped and gone “off-plan” even a little. I’ve really given myself a hard time and am learning to back off and be gentle with myself and pay more attention to the big picture of awesome choices I make rather than the small mistakes. When I do that, I wonder how come I still have bloat, and have stubborn abdominal weight that lingers. If my diet isn’t as bad as I criticize myself for, then what’s going on? There must be more. When a friend suggested I consult with a doctor that works to find food sensitivities and ways to support adrenal health, hormone levels and immune imbalances, I was intrigued. It seemed the thing to do. So this month I’m taking the time and investing the money in myself to take tests that will tell me what I need to know to support my body and health, and so that I can develop my way of eating based on what I need, not on what others tell me is healthy for me (or not) so I can reach for more, with strength and confidence. My goal is to reach for more, and find health and also to learn how to relax and enjoy my health.
At CrossFit I am intending to workout safely and smart so that I don’t injure myself this year and set myself back. It will involve taking the time for stretching, receiving therapeutic massage regularly, and pacing myself, listening to my body, and sometimes holding back when it is wise to do so. Holding myself back not a challenge for me. The challenge is in knowing when I’m using “safety” and “wisdom” to hold myself back out of fear. CrossFit is a place where I get to find that line every time I walk into the gym. I look back on my year in CrossFit and can see where I’ve pushed myself a lot more than I’ve given myself credit for, and where I’ve been unwise, and have been set back by injury. I’m always going to be learning where that line is, which is why I’m not going to set specific goals as far as movements and milestones within the workouts. I know I want to get my pull up back after injuring my tendon, and I know I want to address my fear of the snatch but I want to do those things within the bigger context of my goal of finding the balance between pushing and reaching, and listening to my body.
I know by finding the edges of my comfort zone and reaching past it, I will find magic. Let it begin!